Bible Readings and Such

Memorized I Peter 3:7--Husbands, likewise, dwell with them with understanding, giving honor to the wife, as to the weaker vessel, and as being heirs together of the grace of life, that your prayers may not be hindered.

A great passage, because it commands me to be understanding--not demanding, not self-absorbed, not tough--but understanding. (The Greek word is GNOSIS.) For me, this means that God authorizes me to really go to school on how my wife thinks, feels, and acts. This is what a godly, competent husband should do.

Also memorized John 1:14--And the word became flesh and dwelt among us, and we beheld his glory, the glory as of the only begotten of the Father, full of grace and truth.

As Pastor John explained, this verse can be a valuable guide to my own development, since we are to emulate Christ. Life isn't just about truth (right/wrong, moral/immoral), but also about showing grace to everyone in my life--my wife, my kids, my pets, my coworkers, even...yikes...my former spouse. I feel that my failure to develop the grace part of my life torpedoed my relationship with my kids as they became teenagers. I need to work to repair whatever I can repair.

Also read I Corinthians 13, and I was struck with how easy it is to zero out all your accomplishments in God's eyes by not having love (AGAPE). Paul really demonstrates his love for the Corinthians by putting up with all their crap, and it's a great example to follow.

Other stuff: I've been working out hard this week. Yesterday Biggest Loser (Level 1) in the morning, and chest/abs/40 minute uphill climb in the afternoon. This morning back and 30 minutes of sprints on the treadmill. This afternoon I need to do shoulders and some form of aerobics, maybe jumping rope?

Peter came over last night, and we played CC:E, the battle of Hitdorf. Very fun scenario that we really enjoyed way back when. When we first played it months ago, Peter had the Americans and made the mistake of seizing the building on top of the hill in the early game, only to get trounced by my counterattacking Germans. This time I had the Americans, and I made two good tactical moves in the game. First, in the opening, he had a weapons team on the hill, and I sent a platoon after it and destroyed it. Then, instead of taking the building, I reversed course and attacked across the middle, eventually overruning his forces and killing enough of his leaders that he gave it up. Admittedly, I had all the good cards throughout the fight.

Then we played Napoleon for the second time. Peter loves the game but is not experienced enough with it yet, so I clobbered his Allies with an unrelenting French advance on Brussels.

Our sun room is beautiful! I love the furniture and the moss-green walls. The fountain looks great, but it's a little loud.

Hard Two Weeks

Did back-to-back seminars, the first on counter-terrorism, and the second on nuclear futures. Very stimulating but exhausting. The first week, I drove back and forth each day so's I could be with my family. The second week I couldn't face the traffic and stayed at Fort Meade. Zanne drove up last night and we spent a wonderful night together watching MST 3000's "The Girl in Lover's Lane". We're still laughing hard at "Sex Poodle", Big Stupid, Realy Big Shoo, and my favorite line of the movie:

"I groined him in the knee."

Anyways, this week we dealt with a nuclear Iran, a collapsed Pakistan, and a terrorist nuclear attack on the US. I felt I made a good contribution to the effort, and I learned a lot.

Also solitaired Crisis America: 2020. I played the terrorist scenario, and it was a hoot, but I had to take it down before finishing. Gonna play that one again. Very fun.

If life is about learning and growing, then I've had a productive week. Fortunately, no one reads this blog, so I guess I can be somewhat (but not totally) forthcoming. I am, quite honestly, so done with fatherhood. I suck at it. I don't enjoy it at all. I haven't had a moment of joy with it for many years. I put enormous amounts of effort into it and get nothing in return. Heh. No...not true. Nothing in return would be a blessing.

I've been blessed with a wise counselor (how many of THOSE do you run across in this life?) and a wonderful wife who have helped me to open my eyes to things past and present. I see a sequence of events dating back to my childhood (and even further?) that led to my current situation. It started with a dad that I love, that I miss, but a dad that didn't really care about me. Not sure why. It has ended with broken relationships and a heap of loneliness that have prompted me to think through all this mess. I see a lot of culpability on my part. I must do what I can with what time remains to fix whatever is fixable. It won't be fun, and it won't solve anything, but what difference does that make?

Time for sleep.